She Wore Diamonds On The Inside


In the summer of 2011, I took a trip to a retreat in Carcassonne, South Western France.  A month earlier, I had walked away from my legal career.

Based in a beautiful setting, the promise of home cooked food and walks in nature, the retreat felt like the perfect place for rest and relaxation before I started to make decisions on what to do with my new found freedom.

Arriving at the centre, I was not disappointed.  A beautiful estate set in tranquil grounds in the french countryside surrounded by fields of sunflowers dancing under the sun. My heart positively bloomed.

The retreat was run by a lovely couple who made me feel at home and nothing was too much trouble.  At dinner that evening, I brought up my interest in the Cathars whose religion some believed to be the feminist faith at the time on the basis that they treated woman not as equals but certainly with more respect than other religions at the time.

The Cathars had a stronghold in the area that peaked in the 13th century and many of their sites are still standing.  My host promised that we would take a trip to Montsequr, the cliff-top castle which was last stronghold of the Cathars when they were wiped out by the bloody crusades at the hands of the Catholic Church in the 13th century.



We visited Montsequr the next day and started the climb up the steep hillside, the path lined with wildflowers, blue and yellow butterflies fluttered all around.  I’ve long been captured by the symbolic meaning behind the transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly but I can be honest and say I have a tendency to flinch when a winged creature gets a little too close for comfort.

My squeaks and squeals accompanied us up the long climb until my host stopped me and suggested perhaps it was time for me to overcome this fear, stand still and let the butterflies settle. So I stood still and waited with my eyes closed.  I could feel the flutter of wings close to my face.  I opened my eyes and a butterfly was perched on the tip of my nose, staring me in the face, gently fluttering it’s wings.  Holding in a squeal, I stayed perfectly still until it fluttered off.

With our attention on butterflies, I noticed that many but not all of the butterflies had markings, beautiful patterns whilst many were plain without any markings.  I made an assumption that the plain butterflies were male and my guide told me no.  The males were the pretty ones and the females were plain.   I felt the hairs go up on the back of my neck as I watched two of the males fluttering their beautifully marked wings against each other in front of the plain female butterfly.

As we carried on our climb to the top my mind trying to keep up, I worked out that lions are the ones with glorious manes, the lioness is quite plain in comparison.  Peacocks are another example.  It is the male who preens and shows his bright blue plumage when in the company of a female who appears quite bland in comparison with her pale cream or brown colourage.

As the hairs continued to prickle on the back of my neck, I realised a very simple yet profound truth. One that stares each and every one of us in the face everyday and we are all awaking to.  The female throughout the natural world truly wears her diamonds on the inside.  In the wild she has no need for markings, it is the male who must look attractive to capture her attention. And the reason why she wears her diamonds on the inside is the feminine energy she holds within and her ability to create and sustain life inside of her.  She is Creator.

This energy, often referred to as Kundalini, holds the key to the mysteries of the world. Once a woman connects to this energy, she unlocks her hidden gifts, her intuition, her creativity, her spirituality, her ability to heal and co-create with life itself.

She is the life/death/life cycle in motion through her monthly cycle and therefore holds the secret to our very existence as souls who go through the same life/death/life cycle as they return again and again into human form.

We only have to look at society today to see how we have been derailed from the truth.  I’m not suggesting that woman should stop looking after themselves, cut their hair and wear dowdy clothes as they embrace this truth.  Society gears women to look outside of themselves for their self worth by encouraging the beauty myth through how they look, their size and their clothes, their possessions when a woman’s diamonds truly are worn on the inside.

When a woman engages with the beauty myth, it only serves to detach and block a woman from her vital feminine life force and encourages women to be in competition which is the man’s dominion as he competes for the attention of the female.

And on the other hand, a woman should not be looked down on because of her beauty, that would be engaging with the beauty myth again. Beauty needs to be put into the context that nothing, absolutely nothing, outside of us compares to what we all hold inside.

And the beauty of this is every woman holds this energy within her. It’s staring you in the face, waiting for you to wake up and realise your true worth, that you truly wear your diamonds on the inside.

It was the start of my path to freedom which ultimately led to the healing of my wounds, removing the blocks to my feminine energy and a return to wholeness. To go onto actively engage with life from my highest self as intended instead of my lowest fears.

The truth landed on the tip of my nose and stared me in the face.

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(c) Samantha Wilson 2016.  All Rights Reserved.