So, you’ve met someone. Someone special. They have rocked your boat. Kind, loving and caring, they make you feel amazing. You may even feel they are the one.
Isn’t that how most relationships start out? What most people don’t realise or acknowledge is this. In the honeymoon period of every relationship (normally the first couple of months), we humans have a natural tendency to put our best foot forward, show our beautiful side while keeping our darker side and negative traits hidden.
It’s natural. We want the other person to like us yet it’s also a little inauthentic.
And this how many people end up in a relationship with an emotional manipulator. If an emotional manipulator showed their true colours right at the beginning of the relationship, you would run a mile!
An emotional manipulator can’t keep up the act for long. Cracks start to show in their façade and a different side slowly comes out of the shadows.
Here are 5 warning signs that you are in toxic relationship with an emotional manipulator:-
1. Puts You Down
An emotional manipulator will find your weak spots and prey on your insecurities (which we all have). They will make fun of you in private and public, teasing you yet when you complain they will say you are overreacting, belittle your feelings and emotions. Your feelings and emotions do not matter to the emotional manipulator. As an Empath, you are likely to feel this manipulation on a very deep level.
2. Makes You Responsible For Their Bad Behaviour
An emotional manipulator will not take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will place the blame on you, i.e. they only said or behaved in such a way because of something you have done. Yet the truth is we all have control over how we behave. An emotional manipulator will make you question whether your feelings are valid.
3. Plays The One Up Game
You have had a bad day at work and want to share your feelings. Yet, the emotional manipulator’s day will always have been twice as bad. An emotional manipulator only cares about themselves and will invalidate your feelings while making you feel guilty for wanting comfort or to talk about your feelings.
4. Refuses To Explain Themselves
The emotional manipulator will often act in an aloof way, withholding communication, expecting you to just “know” what they need. Statements like “you wouldn’t understand” are common because the emotional manipulator has no wish to authentically communicate with you.
Instead, the emotional manipulator will get angry when you don’t meet their needs, even when they refuse to communicate their needs to you. This leaves you walking on egg shells as you cannot understand what triggers your partner.
5. Turns On The Charm To Keep You
After a while, you realise that the relationship is just a game to the emotional manipulator. You start to pull away or try to end the relationship yet the emotional manipulator will turn on the same charm used at the beginning of the relationship to win you over. You may think you have the person you fell in love with back yet the cycle begins again as the emotional manipulator cannot keep this act up for long. You are back at square one and the roller-coaster ride begins again.
If you are in a relationship with an emotional manipulator, understand that the person you first met was putting on an act to fool you. They are not charming underneath and will only change if they start to take responsibility for the underlying causes of their behaviour. Unless an emotional manipulator is willing to change and take responsibility, your relationship will always be a roller-coaster, leaving you feeling emotionally battered and bruised.
If you are in a relationship with an emotional manipulator, get out as soon as you can, before too much damage is done. Don’t fall for the charm offensive that will follow and cut off all contact. Your happiness depends upon it in the long run.
(c) Samantha Wilson 2016. All Rights Reserved.