I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid of not living. Afraid that my fears will get the better of me. Afraid of living a small life of missed opportunities and regret, when I’m capable of so much more. I’m afraid of allowing my soul to slowly shrivel up and dry out from a lack of passion and purpose, curiosity and adventure. Not all fear is negative. Some fears propel us to take action in our lives.
When I take my last breath and my bones are laid to rest, I want my epitaph to read “She Was Free”.
Nothing more, nothing less because living a life of freedom, on my terms, is my goal.
I came across an old advert on YouTube yesterday Bleu De Chanel : The Film ft Gaspard Ulliel (you can click to view on YouTube). The advert was played on UK television in 2010, the last year of my legal career, when my soul was rumbling away with it’s cry for freedom.
The words of Gaspard Ulliel telling the world “I’m not going to be the person I’m expected to be anymore”, with the walls around him crashing down, resonated on such a deep level.
I’m not a fan of advertising and, obviously, I didn’t go out and buy the aftershave, but his words nailed exactly what I felt inside. He stoked the fires within, leaving me with fire running up my spine and goosebumps on my skin. He spoke my heart’s desires.
The time came when the rumbles finally erupted and enough was finally enough. I found my voice and my cry was freedom…
To be free to make my own choices, to make my own rules to live by. To live by my own moral compass, to decide for myself what is right and wrong.
Free from the effects of the opinion and judgement of others, to no longer need to fit in a box, a cage of fear.
To be free from my past and the ways in which I self-sabotage.
Free to ride the wheel of fortune, to make mistakes, to crash and burn to rise again, to die a million little deaths and be reborn over and over.
Free to express myself as I wish, to use my voice, to ride a wave of my own creation, to do with my life what I choose.
Freedom to set my boundaries and say no to anything that offends my mind, body and soul
Freedom from emotional manipulation and the call to capitulate to the rules of society. To take radical self-responsibility to live life right.
Freedom to live and let live, dropping judgement and accepting everybody has the freedom to choose how they live.
Free to live a life of passion and purpose always, always on my terms. To be the Queen of my own life and absolutely own it. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Freedom is what my soul demands of me and to live by the line “She Was Free”.
Paulo Coelho talks about fighting the good fight in a number of his books and the quest for freedom is to fight the good fight. It is to fight for what is right for you, to be unique, to live life for you, to be who you were truly born to be. If everyone fought the good fight, the world would change.
And somewhere along the line, when you choose to fight the good fight, there’s a realisation, a very big one, that the fight is with yourself, not other people, circumstances or situations. They are just in the way and show you the ways in which you are not free. The struggle is one with yourself and freedom comes from within – to have strength in your convictions, passion for your purpose and a voice to cry for freedom.
And the door of the cage that contained you finally opens, the walls of limitation crumble to the ground. You break the mould. You are free and freedom has no limits.
So fight the good fight, my friends. Allow your soul to rumble, find your voice and cry for freedom….break the mold.
(c) Samantha Wilson 2016. All Rights Reserved.