Joy Is Not Out There. It Is In You.
We all want to be happy in one way or another. Even the grumpiest person knows that joy feels good which is why we often make the mistake of believing that happiness comes from outside of us.
When we look outside of ourselves for happiness, we may look in all the wrong places and end up developing habits that steal our joy. True happiness can only come from within. Here are 8 habits that you need to give up if you want to hang on to your joy:-
1. Following The Crowd
Human beings have a need for emotional bonds and a desire to be liked by others. Many people will try to fit in with the crowd to maintain the status quo at odds with their own needs and wishes. Going against the grain can make us feel insecure. Yet when we deny our needs and fail to fulfil our wishes, we are the ones that end up feeling unhappy. Walking your own path is the journey to inner happiness.
2. Comparing Ourselves To Others
Comparing ourselves to others and determining our value and self-worth in terms of how we measure up can only be described as a rollercoaster. There will always be people who we perceive are better than us and people who we think we are better than. By constantly comparing ourselves to other people, our self-worth is in a constant state of flux. A happy person holds their self-worth in their own hands.
3. People Pleasing
People Pleasing is normally linked to low self-esteem or fear of rejection which leads to a desire to be liked by other people. When our aim is to be liked by other people, we tend to act in ways that are inauthentic or deny parts of our character. We may agree to things that are not in alignment with our values and beliefs which can only cause unhappiness.
4. Trying To Be Perfect
When we strive to be perfect, especially if we believe we need to be perfect in the eyes of others, we set our standards so high that we are bound to fail and cause ourselves untold misery. No person is capable of perfection. We are human beings and part of being human is to have flaws and make mistakes. Life is a tale of trial and error, as we learn and grow, especially when we fail.
5. Hiding or Denying Our Flaws. Especially From Ourselves
Going on from the above, when we attempt to hide our perceived flaws, we lose the opportunity to learn and grow. What we resist will always persist. At worst, we can project what we hide on to other people. What we can’t accept about of ourselves, we can’t accept in others. Hiding or denying instead of accepting and embracing the flaws that make us human leads to unhappiness and difficulties in our relationships.
Jealousy is linked to comparing ourselves with others AND experiencing negative feelings towards that person because we believe they have something we don’t have or need. This can be in a materialistic sense, ie possessions or jealousy over another person’s attributes.
When we experience jealousy, we are basically sending out a big signal to the world that we are not good enough and in a state of lack because we don’t have x, y and z. A happy person who believes they are good enough won’t feel jealous towards another person.
Jealous people are no fun to be around because feelings of jealousy normally lead to a person behaving in negative or even hateful ways. A jealous person can’t be a happy person.
7. Unhealthy Pursuits/Attachments
When we believe happiness resides outside ourselves, we can look in all the wrong places and develop unhealthy pursuits such as drinking, drug taking, excessive shopping or eating habits. Even unhealthy attachments to people believing we cannot be happy without them. Unhealthy habits lead to one thing. Unhappiness. Happiness can only come from within.
8. Always Wanting More
People who always want more, especially in terms of possessions or even in terms of attention, tend to feel a constant sense of lack which comes from within. They are looking to fulfil this sense of lack externally. When we look to fulfil ourselves externally, we will always need more.
So remember my friends, happiness is always an inside job by listening to your true needs and wishes. Once you find your inner joy, you need never rely on external methods for your happiness again.
(c) Samantha Wilson 2017. All Rights Reserved